Is Chemistry in Relationships Important?

You want to feel the initial love sparks and remain deeply in love with your partner, right? Well, that’s what chemistry in relationships is all about.

You may have a list of qualities he should possess, such as honesty, loyalty, sense of humor, warmth, intelligence, and so on. Yet, when you find someone like this, you say… “He’s really a nice person, but there’s just no chemistry!”

Chemistry in relationships is always shown. It shows in a thousand ways! 

You see, having chemistry with your partner means that you have a language of your own. Many times a voice inflection or even a glance says more than a thousand words. You feel a spontaneous connection with each other from the very beginning.

More than love, you also feel respect, admiration, and you like each other a lot.

Couple Embracing

At a deeper level, chemistry in relationships means that both yours and your partner’s unconscious needs are met – either as a team, or through each other’s strengths. You can understand why love makes you go weak in the knees and causes your heart to skip a beat only if you realize that unconsciously, you (just like everyone else) are searching and choosing a life partner who matches you.

Even though throughout history mankind has considered the heart the center of love, all scientists agree: love is all in our brain. It’s true!

At the beginning of a new relationship, chemistry makes your heart race… Fueled by adrenaline-like chemicals like dopamine and phenyl-ethylamine (PEA), you see fireworks exploding, float on air and hear the drums. You feel euphoric, energized, and can talk all night for weeks on end.

But as thrilling as this state is, it only lasts between 6 months to 2 years, until you and your partner commit to your relationship.

Over time, these feelings wear off and eventually, the infatuation stage is over. Don’t be fooled by the initial rush of love – it won’t last forever, no matter how hot the two of you are right now.

You may not realize, but chemistry in relationships is not only responsible for attracting your soul mate initially; when infatuation subsides, a new group of chemicals takes over. Not as exciting and as stressful as PEA, but steadier (and more addictive), this morphine-like opiates make you experience the calm, intimacy, warmth, and the pleasure of shared experiences in your relationship.

The longer you have been together with your partner, the more likely it is that you’ll stay together. Why? In part, because you become addicted to these morphine-like chemicals. It is their absence from your system that makes you yearn for each other when you are apart.

To a great extent, it is the oxytocin (the chemical of hugging and touching), that makes you calmer and more sensitive to the feelings of your partner.

While chemistry in relationships is very important, it is NOT enough. You’re smart. Don’t fall into the sea of people who believe that if they have chemistry with their partner, everything else will automatically fall into place. It won’t.

The two of you still need to sit and discuss about your relationship compatibility: your shared vision, life goals, and priorities. You need to talk about how well your needs are supported by each other – if your relationship is to bring you the spark of long lasting love.

Relationship Talk:

Though chemistry is important in any relationship it requires much more fundamental attributes to enable a relationship to thrive and grow. What are you and your partner doing to ensure the relationship grows even after chemistry fades away?

“But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your soul” Khalil Gibran